Cosmo, Porco, and Me

Earlier this month my life was changed dramatically. In fact, I am no longer the man I used to be. I’ve finally hit the big time and made it into Cosmopolitan magazine. The editors finally took a break from running their special series on ten ways to pleasure a man using peanut butter in order to run an article decrying me for my alleged misogyny.

I have to admit that after appearing in such a widely circulated magazine I feel pretty honored. But because I am a humble person (more humble than anyone I know) I must admit that I do not deserve the honor of being the first UNC-Wilmington professor featured in Cosmo. That honor should have gone to English professor Alessandro Porco.

Professor Porco has been the author of some deeply moving poetry with titles including “Ménage à Bush twins” and “Did I Shave My Nuts For This?” Porco once described his first book as “an ode to an adult-film star affectionately referred to as ‘the anal queen.’”

For his second book, Porco penned Augustine in Carthage, and Other Poems. Here’s a brief excerpt from one of the poems:

“Who would say No to a gang-bang?
Who would say No to Prof. Poon-Tang?
Who would say No to my scholarly toungin?
Thank you fathers for your daughters.”

It seems to me that Professor Porco sees women as nothing more than sex objects whose main purpose in life should be to provide sexual pleasure for men. So why did Cosmo give Porco as pass and go after me instead? The answer is twofold.

First of all, Cosmo shares Porco’s view of women. In fact, the very next article that went up on their website (right after the one attacking me) was so sexually explicit it could have been written by Professor Porco himself. The article actually gave women tips on how they could perform oral sex on their man for longer periods of time without experiencing jaw ache. I can almost hear Helen Reddy chiming in now …

I am woman,
Hear me roar!
Pleasuring my man,
For longer than before!

Second, and more importantly, Cosmo shares Porco’s politics. Porco is a leftist and so are the writers at Cosmo. Does anyone remember the reporter who said she would gladly perform oral sex on Bill Clinton just for keeping abortion legal?

Look no further than this. I am a pro-life speaker. I am fighting hard to make abortion illegal. And that is why Cosmo hates Mike Adams. Abortion is seen as a necessity for women who view themselves as being sex objects whose very existence revolves around providing men with endless sexual pleasure without consequences.

Through all of the madness following their hit piece, I was heartened when a young Cosmo reader wrote saying that she went to my Facebook page after reading about me. She had this to say:

“The point of this message is to inform you that you got me thinking. Nowadays, Americans can get so up in arms over some of the smallest things–I’m sure you are receiving quite a bit of hate mail. I believe that in today’s America, we are somewhat desensitized to many concepts and arguments. Personally, not many things I read resonate with me anymore. But after developing my own opinion on you, your posts, and even the Cosmopolitan article, I found myself compelled to express to you that you had an impact on me in the way that you made me really stop and think about something. I thank you for that.”

That’s the way it should be. So, fathers, please protect your daughters from the likes of Professor Porco. But also protect your daughters from Cosmo. Raise her up to think more of herself than simply being a sex toy born to pleasure her “man.”

That’s all for today. I’ll have more or Professor Porco in the next installment later this week.

3 thoughts on “Cosmo, Porco, and Me”

  1. LOL. You and Fred Reed posting on the same day!!! Y’all are far and away my favorite men of color.

    I mean, you guys were born writing … colorfully …. weren’t you?

  2. Dear Mike,
    I skipped reading your quotes from Porco and Cosmo due to the fact that I filter dirt out of my life as much as possible. I lived a cloistered life since 2002 but rejoined the normal work force after Obamacare compelled me financially. What a surprise was in store for me! The f-word is the most frequently used word in whatever dictionary it appears in. Our schools are turning out so many students with one word vocabularies. Oh and hair. There are so many young people playing with their hair. Everyone stains their hair in such gay colors now. But the males that should be taken the most seriously are the ones with a man bun and a one word vocabulary. Our future as a noble race is contained in such men. In fact we should start a Martian city with such men…just in case Global Warming is real.

    But don’t get the big head on us and think you are ‘all that’. You have to earn a Fatwah. Then you’ve arrived. God bless your professorship!

  3. Thank you for this. I heartily agree. I’m far more than a sex toy, and I certainly don’t exist only to provide sexual pleasure to some man. I want my life to count for much more than that, because life is about so much more than just that. More than anything, I want my life to bring glory to God, for it is only by His grace that I’m alive today. God created me for a purpose, and I intend to do everything I can to fulfill that purpose.

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